This post is dedicated to my fitness and overall wellness
I am getting more and more excited as the days go on. This programme I'm working on has been so tough! I am hitting PB's on all my weights almost every session! I am about to run my first 16km today. And I am killing it in my nutrition. Although, I find it pretty hard to stay focused on my success as I always want to be better. I know that I should be happy with each success, so I am working very hard to appreciate where I have come from to get here. I am the first to criticize my body. I am still so far from where I want to be but I am sure as hell out to get there! And I am learning to be nicer to myself- considering what I am putting myself through!
Goals:
-Tonight I want to hit my run goal of 6min/km in my 16km run. I just need to do this once and I am happy!
-Continue to implement leg training back into my programme
-Succeed in my cut over the next 2 weeks, and come first in all my measurements
-plan out my next programme, which will focus on my yoga practice, pilates and bringing dance back into my life! I am so excited for all of this. I am going to do 2 smalls runs a week. Probably just 2 4km at 5:45/km or less. Plus as always, I will do 4 weight training session per week. I am going to workout an even cleaner nutrition plan. Keeping myself nourished and strong.
- I want to continually get my body ready for a photoshoot which I will aim to do later in the year.
I love having goals. I am so motivated with success. I love having small wins, and of course big ones.
I am also expanding my mind at the moment. Reading a book a month- At the moment I am reading a novel, and a non-fiction book at a time. It's really wonderful to feel my mind expanding and growing.
I am learning about different types of meditation and healing. At the moment I am researching the ancient practice of Huna. I find it surprisingly interesting. I can't wait to get more into it.
On top of all of this I am beginning to research my options of yoga teacher training. This is something I have been very interested in for the past 3 years. I am going to begin to plan for this.
I'll be back to update on the next successes!! Xx
Monday 7 March 2016
Monday 29 February 2016
I'm back!
So the last time I wrote was the day before I started at Danceworld. And I can't even begin to describe what has gone on in my life since! I will give a brief update before beginning again in present time.
Obviously the whole experience was quite amazing. But not without its many set backs. Recent events have unfortunately left quite a bitter taste in my mouth.
Nervously I began school- I was pretty over my head a lot of the time. Never done tap, hip hop, not any jazz in their style, never done RAD ballet.. but off I went. After 6 months I got changed to the Diploma class to 'catch up'. This was the best year I had. I learned so much more. The pace was better for my level. I got to actually experience class rather than it passing me by. I fell in love with a lot of stuff. It was challenging and scary and hard. Then at the end of the year I was awarded a Diligence award and put back into the Advanced class.
During all this, I went though a break up, was homeless and jobless for a while. My friend Bridie and her mum looked after me. Kept me alive with a roof over my head. I ate once a day ad forced myself to be hungry the rest of the 24 hours. I smoked way too many cigarettes and drank coke. And couldn't sleep. I was not looking after myself.
I was not where near the best- I struggled to be advanced. Even with the years behind me, I realsised I'm not that. I am something different. But this did get in the way of how I trained. I lost my passion. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go and find myself. I had been too weak to take the criticism/bullying. I kept falling apart. I had no energy. I wasn't eating properly, but still I wasn't slim enough to be accepted as great. So when I lost 8-10kg after some hard times I started getting compliments.
By then I met the love of my life, Russ. He had his shit together. He showed me how wrong I was about how I was treating my body, (even though I already knew, I wasn't showing it!) and helped my get into a much better routine. we got engaged 6 weeks later. No biggie.
The first half of 2016 was so tough. I was juggling being in school, which I was finding hard as my confidence was always at an all time low, as well as doing my best to re-build my life and destroy my self-destructing poor life habits! (I quit smoking and started eating well)I was working 2 jobs- 4 nights a week and my only day off. I had no time to myself. When I went home after school I was sleeping before work. I was totally depressed and lost. I hated myself and school and work. I wanted so bad to leave. Jump to week 2 term 3, first class, exam work- I was SO EXCITED! I loved exam work. I loved working on technique and having the opportunity to nail routines. (On that note- I never really nailed it. No matter what I put in. I practiced a lot. But I always fell below the mark! More on this later) I land on my knee. And it's all over.
I can't dance. I go through the hoops of getting it looked at- appointments, MRI, follow ups, phone calls from school accusing me of 'milking' my injury. Which is kinda fucked as inside I wanted to leave, but I wasn't going to I paid in advance!! Then the hoops of getting an meeting to resign from the course too way too long, to many names called, and accusations. It was beyond poor business. Then I started working full time. 5 months later I have to CHASE my refund ($2000) that was rightfully owed to me. I learned to fend for myself, to be strong and get what I deserve. I won. Although I believe any relationship I may have had is now gone- this was not my fault. I move on.
During the injury I began running. I had people telling me it's the worst thing I could do blah blah blah. It saved me. It kept me fit, I gained physical strength, the mental strength I gained has to be the biggest part. I have overcome so many of my demons. I have discovered a love for myself, I am able to shut down unwelcome thoughts. This will ultimately make me a better dancer. Not to mention the muscle development in my glutes! Something I always lacked! And now I like running. :)
I focused on my upper body at the gym. Building strength and toning. Refining my diet and gaining all control over my life. I am in the best place I have ever been in and heading towards success! No one can walk over me anymore. No one.
I am reading books (at least one a month), practicing yoga, running, working out, meditating and about to begin back at casual dance classes. Still have to be careful on the knee. All this in between working 40 hours on my feet, training as a barista, and paying off my debts. I have plans and dreams for the future. And I won't stop.
I have been through hell and back. Lived in 9 places in 2 and a half years. Been left alone. Homeless. To loved. To engaged. To beaten down. To empowered. And this is the place I'm never leaving. Empowered. Aware. Love.
I will write here. Share ideas. Be creative. And keep my life updated.
Its good to be back. Xx
Obviously the whole experience was quite amazing. But not without its many set backs. Recent events have unfortunately left quite a bitter taste in my mouth.
Nervously I began school- I was pretty over my head a lot of the time. Never done tap, hip hop, not any jazz in their style, never done RAD ballet.. but off I went. After 6 months I got changed to the Diploma class to 'catch up'. This was the best year I had. I learned so much more. The pace was better for my level. I got to actually experience class rather than it passing me by. I fell in love with a lot of stuff. It was challenging and scary and hard. Then at the end of the year I was awarded a Diligence award and put back into the Advanced class.
During all this, I went though a break up, was homeless and jobless for a while. My friend Bridie and her mum looked after me. Kept me alive with a roof over my head. I ate once a day ad forced myself to be hungry the rest of the 24 hours. I smoked way too many cigarettes and drank coke. And couldn't sleep. I was not looking after myself.
I was not where near the best- I struggled to be advanced. Even with the years behind me, I realsised I'm not that. I am something different. But this did get in the way of how I trained. I lost my passion. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go and find myself. I had been too weak to take the criticism/bullying. I kept falling apart. I had no energy. I wasn't eating properly, but still I wasn't slim enough to be accepted as great. So when I lost 8-10kg after some hard times I started getting compliments.
By then I met the love of my life, Russ. He had his shit together. He showed me how wrong I was about how I was treating my body, (even though I already knew, I wasn't showing it!) and helped my get into a much better routine. we got engaged 6 weeks later. No biggie.
The first half of 2016 was so tough. I was juggling being in school, which I was finding hard as my confidence was always at an all time low, as well as doing my best to re-build my life and destroy my self-destructing poor life habits! (I quit smoking and started eating well)I was working 2 jobs- 4 nights a week and my only day off. I had no time to myself. When I went home after school I was sleeping before work. I was totally depressed and lost. I hated myself and school and work. I wanted so bad to leave. Jump to week 2 term 3, first class, exam work- I was SO EXCITED! I loved exam work. I loved working on technique and having the opportunity to nail routines. (On that note- I never really nailed it. No matter what I put in. I practiced a lot. But I always fell below the mark! More on this later) I land on my knee. And it's all over.
I can't dance. I go through the hoops of getting it looked at- appointments, MRI, follow ups, phone calls from school accusing me of 'milking' my injury. Which is kinda fucked as inside I wanted to leave, but I wasn't going to I paid in advance!! Then the hoops of getting an meeting to resign from the course too way too long, to many names called, and accusations. It was beyond poor business. Then I started working full time. 5 months later I have to CHASE my refund ($2000) that was rightfully owed to me. I learned to fend for myself, to be strong and get what I deserve. I won. Although I believe any relationship I may have had is now gone- this was not my fault. I move on.
During the injury I began running. I had people telling me it's the worst thing I could do blah blah blah. It saved me. It kept me fit, I gained physical strength, the mental strength I gained has to be the biggest part. I have overcome so many of my demons. I have discovered a love for myself, I am able to shut down unwelcome thoughts. This will ultimately make me a better dancer. Not to mention the muscle development in my glutes! Something I always lacked! And now I like running. :)
I focused on my upper body at the gym. Building strength and toning. Refining my diet and gaining all control over my life. I am in the best place I have ever been in and heading towards success! No one can walk over me anymore. No one.
I am reading books (at least one a month), practicing yoga, running, working out, meditating and about to begin back at casual dance classes. Still have to be careful on the knee. All this in between working 40 hours on my feet, training as a barista, and paying off my debts. I have plans and dreams for the future. And I won't stop.
I have been through hell and back. Lived in 9 places in 2 and a half years. Been left alone. Homeless. To loved. To engaged. To beaten down. To empowered. And this is the place I'm never leaving. Empowered. Aware. Love.
I will write here. Share ideas. Be creative. And keep my life updated.
Its good to be back. Xx
Sunday 21 July 2013
Hello Melbourne!!
Hello friends and family!
So seems I start school tomorrow I thought it was time for a post! Sitting in an open air McDonalds on Southbank with the worst soy latte on the planet, my fingers are freezing in this 7 degrees! But here we go!
Last Wednesday I arrived here in chilly Melbourne. The move must have taken its toll on my, because I got sick right away. I spent Friday to Sunday in bed and could hardly open my eyes! Thanks to the flu and lovely vomiting to go with it!
I have been staying with my big brother Jae.. He's about to move off to Perth so Im super grateful he has stayed to help me out!
I spent all week, once I could move again, sorting out all those things you need to once you move. Tax number, medicare, bank account etc etc boring!
Then I had to buy my new uniform! That set me back a lot of $$! But all my new dance shoes are so pretty. And I have tap shoes. Officially my first. And I have a feeling not my last! Having all my dance gear definitely made it feel like I was going to school. The lady that served me at Bloch was awesome. A dancer, performer and international teacher herself. Everyone I've met so far have been lovely!
I have had some awesome help from my friends Amber and Yasmin. Amber moved the day before me. So we have helped each other out and had some fun in the mean time ;)
Yasmin has been an awesome support! She helped me with so much. And we have been going to the gym together. Mm yes. I forgot to say my school encourages us to join a gym. So that means group classes and yoga and Pilates for me. Going to be so tank in no time. I'm actually enjoying it. Yet to attend hot yoga.. Once I have work I will be there!
I have had one interview so far, for a nanny job. A little boy, 19 months kind of weekend help and some evening- cos the mum has a beautiful 4 week old girl as well. Should know by tonight! If I don't get work soon I will be starving! But I have been looking like crazy!
Everyone who has supported me so far, I love you all.
To my parents, who moved on the same day as me- good luck getting that bus on the road and setting off in your own exciting adventures!
:)
I was sad over the weekend to miss Pineapple Productions third Bastille day celebrations! I almost did all 3! Missing my girls (and Nico)! You are all amazing.. Promise to keep my left kick higher than anyone's ;)
So as I nervously pack up my gear for the new beginnings tomorrow, just know I am thinking of you all. I love and miss you.
Don't forget about me
Xxxxx
Ps the wifi wouldn't work on my laptop, and I can't get my photos up from my phone.. So I will add these when I get some decent Internet!
So seems I start school tomorrow I thought it was time for a post! Sitting in an open air McDonalds on Southbank with the worst soy latte on the planet, my fingers are freezing in this 7 degrees! But here we go!
Last Wednesday I arrived here in chilly Melbourne. The move must have taken its toll on my, because I got sick right away. I spent Friday to Sunday in bed and could hardly open my eyes! Thanks to the flu and lovely vomiting to go with it!
I have been staying with my big brother Jae.. He's about to move off to Perth so Im super grateful he has stayed to help me out!
I spent all week, once I could move again, sorting out all those things you need to once you move. Tax number, medicare, bank account etc etc boring!
Then I had to buy my new uniform! That set me back a lot of $$! But all my new dance shoes are so pretty. And I have tap shoes. Officially my first. And I have a feeling not my last! Having all my dance gear definitely made it feel like I was going to school. The lady that served me at Bloch was awesome. A dancer, performer and international teacher herself. Everyone I've met so far have been lovely!
I have had some awesome help from my friends Amber and Yasmin. Amber moved the day before me. So we have helped each other out and had some fun in the mean time ;)
Yasmin has been an awesome support! She helped me with so much. And we have been going to the gym together. Mm yes. I forgot to say my school encourages us to join a gym. So that means group classes and yoga and Pilates for me. Going to be so tank in no time. I'm actually enjoying it. Yet to attend hot yoga.. Once I have work I will be there!
I have had one interview so far, for a nanny job. A little boy, 19 months kind of weekend help and some evening- cos the mum has a beautiful 4 week old girl as well. Should know by tonight! If I don't get work soon I will be starving! But I have been looking like crazy!
Everyone who has supported me so far, I love you all.
To my parents, who moved on the same day as me- good luck getting that bus on the road and setting off in your own exciting adventures!
:)
I was sad over the weekend to miss Pineapple Productions third Bastille day celebrations! I almost did all 3! Missing my girls (and Nico)! You are all amazing.. Promise to keep my left kick higher than anyone's ;)
So as I nervously pack up my gear for the new beginnings tomorrow, just know I am thinking of you all. I love and miss you.
Don't forget about me
Xxxxx
Ps the wifi wouldn't work on my laptop, and I can't get my photos up from my phone.. So I will add these when I get some decent Internet!
Sunday 7 July 2013
The nightmares have begun!
You know the ones where you forget something really important? Like, your passport at the airport!
Gotta shake those thoughts!
So plenty of updates! I am 37 hours away from leaving for Melbourne. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
First thing, Pledgeme
I raised $1340, that's $253.90 over the goal!
So thank you to everyone who pledged me. Your rewards will be sent shortly!
Pledgers:
Julie Anterrieu
Hannah Hales
Sarah Dillion
David Farland
Ling Nieh
Ling's dad
Kat Wells
Andrea Neill
Teresa Trombetta
Karen Rodriguez
Nicolas Plaire
Luana Lowe
Chriss Deuxberry
Vex Chat-Blanc
Heather Stephenson
Delphine Grundy
Kristen Greenwell
Megan Childs
Bev Hudson
Luciana Fumeo
Madeline Ireland
Hagan Sylvester
Anita Thi
Ashleigh Simons
Ashleigh's Mum
Ryoko Ibaraki
Ali Laird
C Walsh
Anne Gifkins
Raphelle Andrews
Carolyn Hawkins
Aroha Dykes
Julz Demegilio
Stephan Pouwhare
Rose Watkins
Margeret Cheshire
Kiki Clayton
Thank you again, and to the anonymous pledgers!
Farewells
Over the weekend I had to say goodbye to a lot of people! Who knew it was so hard. I received some beautiful gifts as well as fun times to leave in my memories.
Packing
This has been a challenge! Thank God for friends who gift suitcases! My new life is officially packed in these babies. I have had to disregard any emotion attached to my clothing. I have sold, gifted to friends and op shops 4 x the amount I am taking. I will become a woman of little belongings.
So, for now, this is it from me until Melbourne!
See you when I get there!
Thank you again, every one of you who has helped me in any way..
So much love for all of you!
Xxx
I really must be dreaming.....
Photo credit: Nina Gastreich
https://www.facebook.com/NinaGastreichPhotography?fref=ts
Gotta shake those thoughts!
So plenty of updates! I am 37 hours away from leaving for Melbourne. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
First thing, Pledgeme
I raised $1340, that's $253.90 over the goal!
So thank you to everyone who pledged me. Your rewards will be sent shortly!
Pledgers:
Julie Anterrieu
Hannah Hales
Sarah Dillion
David Farland
Ling Nieh
Ling's dad
Kat Wells
Andrea Neill
Teresa Trombetta
Karen Rodriguez
Nicolas Plaire
Luana Lowe
Chriss Deuxberry
Vex Chat-Blanc
Heather Stephenson
Delphine Grundy
Kristen Greenwell
Megan Childs
Bev Hudson
Luciana Fumeo
Madeline Ireland
Hagan Sylvester
Anita Thi
Ashleigh Simons
Ashleigh's Mum
Ryoko Ibaraki
Ali Laird
C Walsh
Anne Gifkins
Raphelle Andrews
Carolyn Hawkins
Aroha Dykes
Julz Demegilio
Stephan Pouwhare
Rose Watkins
Margeret Cheshire
Kiki Clayton
Thank you again, and to the anonymous pledgers!
Farewells
Over the weekend I had to say goodbye to a lot of people! Who knew it was so hard. I received some beautiful gifts as well as fun times to leave in my memories.
Packing
This has been a challenge! Thank God for friends who gift suitcases! My new life is officially packed in these babies. I have had to disregard any emotion attached to my clothing. I have sold, gifted to friends and op shops 4 x the amount I am taking. I will become a woman of little belongings.
So, for now, this is it from me until Melbourne!
See you when I get there!
Thank you again, every one of you who has helped me in any way..
So much love for all of you!
Xxx
I really must be dreaming.....
https://www.facebook.com/NinaGastreichPhotography?fref=ts
Sunday 30 June 2013
Butterflies fly away!
Only a short 9 DAYS until I jump on my plane and head to Melbourne!
I am beyond nervous now!
As my training is full time ( more than full time) I will need to work in the evenings.. I have been applying for jobs like crazy! It's proving difficult, to find work within those certain hours.
I am moving over with nothing but myself, a suitcase, my fees paid and hopefully my new dance uniforms and shoes all purchased!
With all my fundraising plans moving now, I am hoping to create a small cushion to survive on - Might need to buy a giant bag of rice when I arrive! ;)
Pledgeme is steadily moving towards it's goal and it's deadline!! I have had some amazing support so far, so thank you! <3
With 4 days left, I have $411 to raise.. So please have a look and see if you can donate :)
https://www.pledgeme.co.nz/1181
I had a garage sale yesterday afternoon with my friend Kat, who is heading to Paris for the next year at least!
We made a bit towards our travels :)
With the left over clothing, I have photos on facebook.. everything is $5.. please have a look and comment 'yes' on any item you would like! It needs to all go this week!! And it leaves me with money to feed myself, hopefully until I get work...
I will then be free from 90% of my worldly possessions, and all my friends can have new clothes for cheap!
I can't believe that after 18 years, the day has come that I will be dancing for a LIVING! all day, 6 days a week. There are three extraordinary woman I would like to thank Heather Lomas, Heather Johns and Julie Anterrieu. These 3 woman have trained, shaped and mentored me since I was 7 years old. I would not be the woman and dancer I am today without you! I hope to make you all proud. Thank you for all the advice, pain, tears and opportunities you have given me.
Xx
I am beyond nervous now!
As my training is full time ( more than full time) I will need to work in the evenings.. I have been applying for jobs like crazy! It's proving difficult, to find work within those certain hours.
I am moving over with nothing but myself, a suitcase, my fees paid and hopefully my new dance uniforms and shoes all purchased!
With all my fundraising plans moving now, I am hoping to create a small cushion to survive on - Might need to buy a giant bag of rice when I arrive! ;)
Pledgeme is steadily moving towards it's goal and it's deadline!! I have had some amazing support so far, so thank you! <3
With 4 days left, I have $411 to raise.. So please have a look and see if you can donate :)
https://www.pledgeme.co.nz/1181
I had a garage sale yesterday afternoon with my friend Kat, who is heading to Paris for the next year at least!
We made a bit towards our travels :)
With the left over clothing, I have photos on facebook.. everything is $5.. please have a look and comment 'yes' on any item you would like! It needs to all go this week!! And it leaves me with money to feed myself, hopefully until I get work...
I will then be free from 90% of my worldly possessions, and all my friends can have new clothes for cheap!
I can't believe that after 18 years, the day has come that I will be dancing for a LIVING! all day, 6 days a week. There are three extraordinary woman I would like to thank Heather Lomas, Heather Johns and Julie Anterrieu. These 3 woman have trained, shaped and mentored me since I was 7 years old. I would not be the woman and dancer I am today without you! I hope to make you all proud. Thank you for all the advice, pain, tears and opportunities you have given me.
Xx
Monday 24 June 2013
Halfway there
The days are flying by. It's now been 2 weeks since I found out I am leaving!
I have sorted though all my belongings, started selling, giving away and throwing out.
I am down to the bare essentials now, and it feels very strange!
This is a big move to do alone! I'm pretty nervous!
I am working hard to get myself ready for this new chapter.. Trying to keep my body strong with dance class and yoga. I am certain I will still get my ass kicked from day once- and I can't wait.
I have been waiting for this kind of opportunity my whole life. So even though it's hard, and there are people and things I don't want to leave behind- I have to keep my head up, and power on!
So I am aiming to be out in 15 days!
I only get one week with the best job ever, Master Dylan Hynes! I think I will die when I say goodbye to him
Things to watch out for:
My pledgeme of course!
https://www.pledgeme.co.nz/1181
I am selling some thing..
Follow the link, then check out all the other things
And the garden party garage sale this Sunday!
https://www.facebook.com/events/207709509381917/
Thank you to my friends and family for your support.
Xx
I have sorted though all my belongings, started selling, giving away and throwing out.
I am down to the bare essentials now, and it feels very strange!
This is a big move to do alone! I'm pretty nervous!
I am working hard to get myself ready for this new chapter.. Trying to keep my body strong with dance class and yoga. I am certain I will still get my ass kicked from day once- and I can't wait.
I have been waiting for this kind of opportunity my whole life. So even though it's hard, and there are people and things I don't want to leave behind- I have to keep my head up, and power on!
So I am aiming to be out in 15 days!
I only get one week with the best job ever, Master Dylan Hynes! I think I will die when I say goodbye to him
Things to watch out for:
My pledgeme of course!
https://www.pledgeme.co.nz/1181
I am selling some thing..
Follow the link, then check out all the other things
And the garden party garage sale this Sunday!
https://www.facebook.com/events/207709509381917/
Thank you to my friends and family for your support.
Xx
Tuesday 18 June 2013
Dreams do come true
Dreams do come true.
Last week, while I was on holiday in Melbourne I went to visit the performing Arts school I was interested in.
After a long but casual talk with them.. They turned around to say to me 'hey, this is gonna freak you out but we want to audition you tomorrow morning'.
Yeah. no. biggie.
Anyway, of course I accepted. What could go so wrong? That they would hate me and send me home.
No pressure.
Off I went at 10am the next day.
Under prepared, in socks, shorts and a singlet (Was not ready!!) I warmed up..
After just the technique, they offered me a place. They didn't even follow through with teaching me the 2 combinations they said they would.
This kind of opportunity comes once in a lifetime right?
They only take 25 student in the course a year. Out of the whole world.
The pressure came when they said, 'You start 22nd July- this year'
So now I am flat out selling my stuff, throwing stuff out and trying to earn money to pay for this!
I have so much to leave behind.
But so much to look forward to.
Xx Cole
Last week, while I was on holiday in Melbourne I went to visit the performing Arts school I was interested in.
After a long but casual talk with them.. They turned around to say to me 'hey, this is gonna freak you out but we want to audition you tomorrow morning'.
Yeah. no. biggie.
Anyway, of course I accepted. What could go so wrong? That they would hate me and send me home.
No pressure.
Off I went at 10am the next day.
Under prepared, in socks, shorts and a singlet (Was not ready!!) I warmed up..
After just the technique, they offered me a place. They didn't even follow through with teaching me the 2 combinations they said they would.
This kind of opportunity comes once in a lifetime right?
They only take 25 student in the course a year. Out of the whole world.
The pressure came when they said, 'You start 22nd July- this year'
So now I am flat out selling my stuff, throwing stuff out and trying to earn money to pay for this!
I have so much to leave behind.
But so much to look forward to.
Xx Cole
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